Why do we hold on to things we know we can't change?
It honestly makes no sense. It's stupidity at its finest. It's exactly what I've been doing for 5 months now.
I've liked him since March of 2011. I was sitting on my bed one day, just thinking, when I had an epiphany. I literally sat up straight as I realized the strangest thing. I like him. Himmm. Him? Him.... Yes, him. But really, him? Yep. After a year and a half of friendship and countless awkward moments, I finally realized something I think had been in the back of my mind all along. I liked him.
From that afternoon on, my feelings for him grew into something I could have never imagined. This boy became my best friend, someone I could always go to, and someone who never let me down. I shared many a first with him, including my first date. He stuck with me through my crazy moments, and was there for me during sad times. I grew to love this boy very much. He has been there for me every second I needed him, including my first heartbreak (which he kind of caused...).
He let me down so perfectly, gosh, he couldn't even hurt a fly if he wanted to.
Even though I heard everything he told me, and I swear I comprehended it too, I never would listen.
He liked someone else. Someone that wasn't me. Yet, I still insisted that I could convince him that I was better. I've been holding on to a hope that isn't there for 5 months... 5 MONTHS.
There's NO POINT in me sitting here being sad about something that's out of my control.
As much as it breaks my heart to let go of him, I know that it hurts twice as bad to hold on.
As this school year comes to a close, I am forced to accept the fact that things will never be the same again. Many of my friends are graduating and moving on to the rest of their lives, him included. I'm not quite sure how to handle this, for it's something that I've never had to deal with on this scale before. Next year will be my first year of highschool without these people that have become so important in my life. Knowing that I won't leave school every day and ask them what they want to do for the afternoon is absolutely killing me.
Why do all good things come to an end?
Despite this temporary depression that has come over me, I know that everything will be alright.
I also know that there always comes a time when you must let go of the things you love.
So, here I go. I'm letting go of everything I've held on to so tightly for the past year.
I'm never going to change his mind. Some things just aren't meant to be, no matter how much your heart tends to disagree.
You'll always be in my life and my heart, and for this reason I am able to let you go.
I love you so much Luis.
I hope that one day you find someone who cares for you as much as I do and I hope you care just as much back. And please, please please please, fall madly in love with her.
What I want most is for you to be happy.
I hope you find your happiness out in the world when you leave this small town.
And when you find it, never let it go.
And I promise to do the same things for myself that I listed above for you to do.
So, here's to the rest of my life?
It's far past time for a new beginning.
Au revoir mon amour.
It's time for new memories with you.
